Flashback[]
MAN: The family, the battlefield, the setting sun... So cinematic. Okay, a bit to the right. No, no, no. Too far. Back to the left. Come on, people. We're losing light.
BOY: I read on the web that ghosts have been seen around here.
MAN: There's no such thing as ghosts, son. Besides, a very important battle was fought here and I want a picture. Back to the right. A little to the left. No, my left. Yeah, the other...
(GASPING)
MAN: Come on. Is it so hard to smile?
BOY: Dad!
(ALL SCREAMING)
MAN: Huh?
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
GHOST SERGEANT: Attack! Attack!
(GHOSTS LAUGHING MENACINGLY)
VELMA: Jinkies! It's Abraham Lincoln!
Main Story[]
VELMA: This looks familiar. It's the haunted monument from the family vacation photos. Jinkies!
SHAGGY: Check it out, Scoob. These are the guys who became zombie ghosts.
SCOOBY: Zombie ghosts? What's that?
SHAGGY: They're like regular ghosts, only more zombier-er.
VELMA: They don't seem very zombier or ghostly right now.
(KNOCKING)
FUNKY PHANTOM: That's how ghosts work, don't you know? Always popping up when least expected.
(EXCLAIMS)
FUNKY PHANTOM: Tight squeeze. A little too much junk in the sattle bags.
(WHIMPERING)
SCOOBY: Ghost!
AUGIE: Oh, yeah. He's our ghost.
FRED: Hold the phone. Who are you guys?
ALL: We're the Funky Phantom crew.
(MIMICKING HOWLING)
FUNKY PHANTOM: Jonathat Wellington Muddlemore at your service. The spirit of 1776, even.
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY: (WHIMPERING)
He's headless!
(SCREAMING)
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY: A ghost cat!
VELMA: Yeah, right. Give me a break. Ghosts are not real. What?
SKIP: We're here investigating the Civil War zombie ghosts.
DAPHNE: Hey, that's why we're here.
VELMA: We're solving this mystery.
FRED: Because we're mystery-solvers.
VELMA: This is great. We're both groups of teenage mystery-solvers. We should work together.
DAPHNE: It'll be fun. And we can solve the mystery in half the time.
FRED: What do you guys say? Wanna solve this mystery together?
SKIP: No offense but we're experts. We're the real deal.
FRED: Uh, we're the real deal too.
DAPHNE: We've been doing this a long time. I'm not sure why you would say that.
VELMA: It's a proven fact. We're extremely legitimate mystery-solvers.
APRIL: We're so legit we even got a mystery-solving mascot. Our dog Elmo.
SHAGGY: Yeah, well. Like, we've got a Scooby-Doo. That's even better.
SCOOBY: You know it.
AUGIE: Yeah, well, we've got a dune buggy called the Looned Duney.
FRED: We've got a van with "Mystery Machine" painted right on the side.
AUGIE: Paint that yourself, did ya?
FRED: I totally did. Hey!
SKIP: Well, kiddies. Now that us professional mystery-solvers are here, you B-team amateurs can take a hike.
FRED: We like hikes as much as the next guy. But we're not going anywhere.
VELMA: This is our mystery.
SCOOBY: Shaggy. Shaggy!
(SNARLS)
(SCREAMING)
SHAGGY: Ghost! Run!
GHOST SERGEANT: Cannons! Attack!
(LAUGHING MENACINGLY)
(EXPLOSIONS)
(GHOST LAUGHING)
(EXPLOSIONS)
FUNKY PHANTOM: I don't like explosions. Or implosions. Make that all-plosions, already...
(LAUGHING)
(EXPLOSIONS)
VELMA: Hmph. Look what the ghost cat dragged in.
AUGIE: Oh, you're still in town? I thought you guys went home already.
FRED: Not a chance.
DAPHNE: And besides, thinking things through in a diner is our thing.
SKIP: You guys can go to the diner across the street.
FRED: Just ignore them. And let's stay focused on looking for clues.
SKIP: I've got a clue for ya. Go home.
FUNKY PHANTOM: I must say, Hamilton and Burr get along better than these kids.
VELMA: How do you do this? A holographic projection? Pepper's ghost effect? Computer controlled lasers?
SCOOBY: Ooh. Yum.
(SLURPING)
(MEOWS)
(SCREAMS)
(BURPS LOUDLY)
SCOOBY: Hey!
(MEOWS)
(SNICKERING)
SKIP: So, where are you guys starting your investigation?
FRED: Well, we were thinking about heading to...
VELMA: The old armory just outside of town.
SKIP: Oh. Okay.
FRED: Hmm. Which way to the armory?
VELMA: We're not going to the armory. That was just to fool the Funky Phantom crew. We're going to the epicenter of all the sightings. Here. The Two Brothers antique store.
SKIP: Next stop. The epicenter of all the sightnings. The Two Brothers antique store. I hacked Velma's tablet. Gotta love public wi-fi!
(CHUCKLES)
SKIP: Oh, look. One step behind us real mystery-solvers. Per ususal.
FRED: Just ignore them. And let's look around for clues.
FUNKY PHANTOM: Look, Boo. I used to have a sword just like this!
SHAGGY: Like, it's that ghost again. And he's got a sword!
FUNKY PHANTOM: Jebb! Perry! Thrust! En guarde! Of guard, even. Huh? Proprietor. This sword is defective, don't you know?
EBB: Hey, you guys need to keep your crazy re-enactment grandpa from destroying my store.
SKIP: You guys know anything about all the zombie ghosts that have been showing up around here?
JEBB: Well, they've been seen at many other monuments.
EBB: Oh, it's been terrible for business. It's scaring away the tourists. The ghosts are just looking for a little peace.
JEBB: Ebb believes in ghosts. I don't.
VELMA: Exactly. Ghosts aren't real. What would somebody real want on this battlefield?
FUNKY PHANTOM: Now, hold on. It could be ghosts, don't you know?
VELMA: Why are you even talking? You're not even real. You're just some kind of special effect we haven't figured out yet.
FUNKY PHANTOM: I'm insulted, I think. Out-sulted. Over-sulted, even.
SKIP: What do you mean there's no such thing as ghosts?
(ALL ARGUING)
SHAGGY: Oh, boy. They sure are arguing.
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: Isn't that such a terrible shame? A mystery-solving team divided shall not stand. It breaks my heart to see such skirmishing.
SHAGGY: You said it, Mr. Lincoln.
(WHIMPERING)
SHAGGY: Ghost!
(ALL ARGUING)
(WHISTLES)
VELMA: Party's over.
SHAGGY: Like, dudes. We just saw the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
VELMA: It's just a painting.
EBB: You kids is in way over your heads.
SKIP: Yeah, that's what I said.
EBB: All these ghosts have been bad for business, driving away the tourists. You don't wanna be snooping around here at night, especially out by Rocky Top. That's where them ghosts seem to congregate.
FRED: Rocky Top, huh?
AUGIE: You don't say...
FUNKY PHANTOM: Wait! Wait for me, even!
(GROANS)
FUNKY PHANTOM: Get along, little kitty! Get along!
(SNIFFING)
FUNKY PHANTOM: Skip! Hey, Skip, I can see your house from up here, don't you know?
(BOTH SCREAMING)
VELMA: Well, well, well. Look what the ghost cat dragged in.
SKIP: You guys just aren't gonna give up, huh? Hey!
(GRUNTS)
SKIP: I saw it first!
(EXCLAIMS)
VELMA: Whoa!
SKIP: Got it!
VELMA: It's mine!
SKIP: Possession is nine-tenths of the law.
GHOST SERGEANT: Give me my map! It belongs to me!
SHAGGY: Zoinks! It's those zombie ghost soldiers again!
FUNKY PHANTOM: Stay strong, troops! Wait till you see the whites of their eyes! And hen run like crazy!
(YELLING)
VELMA: Give it back!
SKIP: No!
VELMA: Give it to me! No time to argue! Give me the map!
SKIP: Not a chance. Give me the map.
GHOST SERGEANT: I will take it!
(YAWNS)
SHAGGY: I was dreaming I had a car shaped like a giant cheeseburger.
(LAUGHS)
SHAGGY: But the steering wheel was a pickle. And I kept eating it.
(LAUGHS)
SCOOBY: That is a lovely dream.
(SCREAMING)
(ALL ARGUING)
FRED: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Look. We have to share the map so that we can figure out what it means.
AUGIE: Fine. How about you share your half first?
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: An investigation divided against yourself cannot stand.
SHAGGY: See? Whe told you.
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: Good people. I'm here to help you solve this crime, so these ghostly soldiers can find their final rest. The wisest course of action for both of your groups is to stop bickering and work together using each half of the map. I'll provide guidance where I can.
SCOOBY: Ghost snack?
AUGIE: Thanks, President Lincoln. Gosh, I have so many questions.
FRED: Augie, it's a hoax.
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: I can assure you, young man. I do exist. As clear as the ascot around your neck, I am the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
AUGIE: See? Works for me.
FRED: Look at the picture on the five-dollar bill. It doesn't even look like him. Where's the mole? Look.
AUGIE: Cute, Fred. What kinda gag bill is that? That's your picture.
FRED: Huh? How did you do that?
(LAUGHS)
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: I'll never tell... a lie.
(LAUGHS)
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: Regardless, this kind of division between you mystery-solvers is just what I'm talking about. You need to heal this divide and work together. I will be watching.
VELMA: There are so many ghosts. It's amazing really. I mean, how are they doing all those crazy ghost effects?
AUGIE: You all heard the President. Time to get to work. Give us your half of the map.
FRED: He said we should stop fighting and work together.
AUGIE: He was clearly talking to you guys.
(YAWNS)
FUNKY PHANTOM: Isn't it too early for the stink-eye thing, fellas? And isn't that funny that your nose smells but your eyes stink?
SHAGGY: Lincoln's ghost was right, man. We should work together.
SKIP: Okay. So give us your half of the map.
VELMA: How about we take photos of both halves of the map and then, split up to follow the clues?
SKIP: Okay. 'Cause then, we'll know for sure which mystery solving team is the best by who solves the mystery first.
VELMA: The sighting of the ghost soldiers match up with the historic landmarks on the battlefield. Look. I bet this could be a clue.
DAPHNE: These blast holes are fresh.
FRED: These aren't impact holes. They were blown up from the inside!
VELMA: Dynamite maybe? And this one looks like it was dug up.
SKIP: With this hole digging attachments on this three-speed farming tractor.
APRIL: Since when do ghosts use tractors?
FUNKY PHANTOM: Hmm, I'd say never. Well, rarely. Maybe all the time. What is a tractor, even?
AUGIE: What does this thing do?
SKIP: Not sure. We have to find...
VELMA: Another clue! It's a button.
FRED: Not just any button. It belongs to the uniform of a Union paymaster.
DAPHNE: And it matches the statue of the undead ghost sergeant.
FRED: During the Civil War, soldiers were paid, on average, every two months. And they would've been paid in...
AUGIE: Gold!
SKIP: So, just how many gold coins have been found here at Chambersburg?
MAN: Gold? Oh, no gold. Only silver an copper coins have been found on the battlefield.
FUNKY PHANTOM: Oh, I'd love to find some gold, don't you know?
SKIP: Well, that means...
GHOST OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN: The payroll gold was lost and the brave soldiers who fought on this hallowed ground never got paid. Help them. They clearly have unfinished business.
SKIP: Hey, Mudsy. Do you have any unfinished business? Why are you still here?
FUNKY PHANTOM: Unfinished business? I'm not sure, even. Maybe I left the oven on?
FRED: So, did you guys find any clues?
SKIP: No. Did you?
DAPHNE: No.
SKIP: Oh, yeah? Then what's that?
VELMA: Nothing. What's that?
APRIL: Nothing.
VELMA: Okay, this is just silly. We really should be working together.
APRIL: I agree. Here.
SKIP: Hey!
APRIL: Oh, be quiet, Skip. We found this. Do you know what it is?
VELMA: Hmm. I know exactly what this is. And now, this memory stick totaally makes sense.
FUNKY PHANTOM: A memory stick? Is it like a broomstick